No reason whatsoever

Today morning, the wind was blowing on its usual pace, messing with large fluid saree of my neighbor and prompting it to almost peak into my window. The sun was bang on its position, playing the usual sensuous hide and seek game with the dark clouds (it’s almost September, whats up with that ha!), moon was still trespassing from his last night’s instinct, I wonder if he gets overtime payments or he just had an eventful night and now trying to sneak out unsuccessfully unnoticed (I am using “he” because "chanda" mama is suppose to be male and apparently that’s the only rhyme I remember from my non-voting days, so why not flaunt it). These guys must really love what they do, the wind, the sun, the moon, the rain, the life, the death. These are those nerdy kids who are always bang on time, without any reason, without any perks, no lucrative offers, no alarm clocks.

I tend to wonder why do WE need reasons, reasons to work, reasons to be certified successful, reasons to get up, reasons to marry, reasons to live, reasons to be happy, reasons to be ashamed and forget all these “important “ things, in my country I even have to give reason to eat different cuisines. I am not allowed to eat egg today reason being its Tuesday, I cannot eat wheat it’s Monday and more so I cannot go out of the house in night, even just to take a walk under the beautiful night sky as they speak I have the “acche ghar ka ladka” tag ( guy belonging to a nice family)  and “acche ghar ka ladkas” don’t do that, I wonder if moon and stars doesn't belong to a nice family.

I am tired of giving reasons and more so I am bored of giving reasons. Let’s get one thing out of the way; we are “born to die”, nothing can change that, you may die of heart attack or an accident, you may die in sleep or while taking a poop, it really doesn't matter apart from the fact that the news paper ad carrying your death info will have a hard time printing, how you died while taking a poop, (shreeman/mati, chole bhature khane ke baad, shochalaye par dhavsta paye gaye, bhagwan unki aatma ko shanti de, gharwale iska zimmedar angrezi toilet ke galat prabhav ko mann rahe hai, yeh hamari sanskriti ke khilaf hai ), nobody will care if you died as an architect or an engineer, a waiter or a driver, a writer or a fashion designer , what really matters is that you are dead and in the same way what really matters is that you “LIVE”, how and what you do to live doesn't really matter.

Sun doesn’t give reason, wind doesn’t need reason, stars don’t require reason, happiness doesn't crave for reason, sorrow doesn’t munch on reason, adopting a child shouldn't require a reason, being gay doesn't need to marry a reason, following your heart shouldn't be a slave to any reason, being yourself is not about a reason. From now on I want to say and say it very proudly that I am an unreasonable man and I am proud of it.

“khud ko na de saza, khush ho le bewajah”

(don't punish yourself in any season, be happy without any reason)

Yes Ram Gopal Verma was right! (Darna Jaroori Hai)

The moment you are born, your life becomes a time bomb, you know the clock is ticking every time, racing towards the blast or so to speak in our case death (that might be a blast as well, at least for some people), forget when you are born, from the time you are conceived, you know that you gotta vacate this flat in 9 months, do whatever you can. So forget the rat race that we reserve for the “JAWani” of human beings, it starts right there when even our “jaws” are under construction.

Sometimes I feel fear is injected in our bones even before we become the brand ambassadors of huggies, ultimately we all know that we are born to die, some might say don’t fear the death, well but ask yourself, is that the only fear you live in? what about the fear of not scoring good, yes it’s a fear raised by society and their so called acceptance laws, what about fear of not getting a conventional job? What about the fear of choosing a non-conventional job and not succeeding in it? What about bringing home a spouse of your choice and your choice not being approved on popcorn grounds? What about driving in lane with all so called papers and still monsooning your pants after seeing a traffic cop? What about calmly taking a nap in afternoon and being fearful of not waking up at all?

No wonder during my off days I do have some huge amount of respect for Ram Gopal Verma, he was such a visionary to state the obvious, yes darna is jaroori, no please don’t count my emotions about the quality of the film, I am purely or bislerily(branding is important) referring to just the title. I had the same genre of conversation with one of my old branches in the family, their reasoning was yes life will end, but you are born to experience and live. Experience? What the sreesanth? (yeah I do have a hobby of discovering new and relevant slangs :P) experience what?, blasts, scams, rapes, religious hooplas or more tinier, family dramas, society pressures, career flavored suicides, under paid jobs, molesting taxes or to just become a sheer witness to a piece of paper, tattooed with some varied gentlemen depending on the country ruling the world. And dare you say I was meant to experience chirping of birds, breeze of love, freshness of dew drops, shadow of tree, comfort of water or any such travelling channel content type shit. I pay for the water I drink, I find love on internet sites, which again I am billed for and forget about me standing under the sun and enjoying, even my car cannot stand under the sun, they always give me a parking ticket when she does that.

I do know my arguments are all subjective and doesn’t have enough cheese in it, but the surface (problem) remains the same, create a bread in circular shape, it will always be called pizza (at least in India) doesn’t matter if it has cheese or not. I don’t know if the world was always like this or it has become like this, but I do know that death has become a better brand then living( I mean even in clothing, skull sells more than pigeons on tshirt), may be its time we change the trend, may be its time we celebrate the fear, may be its time we unhook our dreams and desires from the shadow of society and age, may be its time we celebrate life so much that death actually does become a set back and not just a pay slip from the insurance company.

"Darna jaroori hai, jarurat nahi"

Senorita Takes a Rain Check

Irrelevant to the title I will start by informing that I am really angry or more so frustrated and disappointing your expectations, no I will not give melodramatic hoopla about my failed love life or my dog’s not so usual greenish poo. My traumatic mind stage could be because of my broken leg and my not so fancy affair with the bed, but it hurts much more then my resting ass that the country I am resting my soul in, is so filthy in its functioning. Every time I have come up on a social medium for any sort of amusement as such (elaboration on that later), I left pregnant with rage and anger. I feel molested from the first thing I wake up to do to the last thing I do before sleeping (offcourse peeing).

I sweat off to work because I can’t put on a.c in my car considering increased fuel prices, sometimes even takes train only to get grabbed in wrong areas to pay taxes which are not used to built roads or more tracks but to provide home theatre facilities in parliament to screen various adult clips or to grab shirts in deciding who wins the corruption game. Again I don’t want to crib and all, considering I myself haven’t done much for the country but my self questioning trips involves question marks such as what if I was born in a normal country (normal can be debated), I probably would have a lifestyle of paying taxes, electing government and going to office, similarly a politician’s lifestyle would “ideally” include paying taxes, electing government and going to office (here office means taking care of country or so people). So was it a curse to be born in this country, because no matter what my heart still beats, weeps and beeps (censored) for this country.

Anyways diverting to more glamorous issues its monsoon time and what a wonderful time it is, flooding cities, people dying, dams over flowing, wet songs in bollywood and numerous diseases. Quite a vibrant and busy time of the year I must say. From wet desires to wet dreams to wet crops it involves all. Internet crashes much more then usual, electricity plays hide and seek, roads become more of a puzzle to be solved and cricket matches get washed away but still this heart pounds for a quick rain dance with some sizzling pakodis on the tunes of some long gone A.R.Rehman’s composition. If its your lucky day then some senorita might get out in this rain, on some surviving street with some raging courage (considering recent Noida based headlines) and by making some less smart decisions, can ask you to share your umbrella. So what the heck if it floods, if it kills, if it gets you ill, if it is filmy, it still is well worth to get out in this rain and who knows some senorita is just waiting for you take a rain check.

Meanwhile one urges all the power holding, khakee bearing senors and senoritas of various tehsils, districts, cities, states and country to get a rain check and probably burn some rightful 'coal' for providing warmth to the wet and shivering country,

 “kyunki senorita bade bade desho main, aisi choti choti baatein nahi hone chahiye”.

Time Kharab Hai Yar

Getting on your knees, raising your hand beholding a physically and economically heavy wedding ring and she or in some abnormal (read impotent) cases he turns it down, studying hard, burning midnight oils and internet bills (read overdose porn invasion) and you still fail, picking up vegetables for mother, turning off the computer right on time before dad arrives from office, flushing every single time after pissing and you still don’t get a raise on your pocket money, oh! my kind man of God then its not you its just that ‘your time is kharab’

Happiness and sorrow are so irritatingly married that even if you wish and some time even succeed in having an extra marital affair with one of them the other one still forgives, some how they seem unbreakable. Underneath lies the mystery of their survival, which is as shocking as our Bihari politicians speaking English in parliament. This is the part where you pull up your socks, drink horlicks, perform yoga for 40 mins and channelise your focus to hear the truth which breaks the virginity of myth. In reality it is us, you and me , me and you (na na humming me and you na na na humming more, distracted and back) yes it’s you and me who feeds their marriage. There are no layers in this world it’s out there plain and simple, we tend to complicate things as a result we copulate with confusions hence taking forth their marriage. We say words like hope, belief, faith, love are children of happiness and then we differentiate loneliness, darkness, hunger as bastards of sorrow. That is how we divide and rule their marriage and it works, what if we stop dividing them and who knows their marriage might fall off, I will show you how. I call my friend at 4 am in the night, cry my heart out saying I am the loneliest person available on snapdeal.com and that guy buys it, consoles me and though faint heartedly but he even offers to come over, now what is wrong with that, arre you infected unsuitable human species if you are so God damn alone then how come you are talking to someone and saying I am alone. But we still get happy on pouring our fake sorrows though definitely increasing the happiness of telecom companies( eventually we will cry about bills and poverty).

In a different situation one goes to a psychologist and explains, it’s completely dark in my life, I feel lost as if I cannot see anything in any direction. Arre Rakhi Sawant’s abandoned child you cannot see in darkness that’s how eyes function, but you can see that it is dark that means you can actually see, the only problem is that there is no light in this direction so either switch on the lights or choose a more luminous way but there is certainly nothing wrong with your eye sight. I know I know you meant metaphorically and what not but it actually is true there is no metaphorical shit in this world, the only shit in this world is the shit that we create. Earth was born shit free before we came out and started hogging every aspect of it and eventually shitting too.

See for yourself there is absolutely nothing wrong with this world if there are biters then there are bakers, if there are cheaters then there are chirpers, if there are bummers then there are blowers (not the one in your bathroom or may be yeah that one too), as they say somebody will always be wrong for somebody, you cannot call pizza place and order dahi pakoda and then crib that my life is pakoda. At the end of the day as they say even bad luck is a type of luck so till it works out keep clinging onto the time kharab hai yar saga. 

khamoshi ki awaz

Ek din khamoshi chupke se mere paas aati hai aur har awaz ki burayi kar jati hai...


main puchta hun usse, arre pagali tera iss shehar main kya kaam...


woh kehti hai nadaan zara apni cheekh main sun, uss cheekh main bhi meri parchayi samati hai...


har toote dil, har ghootati saas, har bhikerte sapne, har tadapti prarthna, har bhooke pete, har rote rishte, har khokli khushi se meri hi awaz aati hai...


ek din khamoshi chupke se mere paas aati hai...

Male Prajati

(Warning- only people who got some appetite for humour and who get offended lesser then fulfilled promises by our government should read this)

 Ye prajati har desh main extensive matra main paayi jaati hai(reasoning- bosses are less labourers are more), iss prajati par do mahatva purna jimedari hoti hai pehli roti, kapda aur makaan aur dusri votti(biwi), shopping aur saman. Iss prajati ko badi junglee prakar ki prajati samjha jata hai par asal main yeh badi masoom hoti hai. Ye prajati on an average 7 ladkiyon ko i love you bolne ke baad ek par safalta parapt karti hai aur phir aajeevan iss ek safalta ka baith kar dukh manati hai. Iss prajati ki dukhon ko anubhav karne ki range badi small size ki hoti hai par phir bhi woh limited addition ke dukhon ki demand par bhi desh k vibhinn prakar k daroo k theeke apni daal roti chala lete hai.

Iss prajati k vibhinn prakaar hote hai, ek jo pahadon main payi jaati hai, ye sabse sukun wali prajati hoti hai uska reason ye hai ki pahadon main mahilaye jyada tarr kaam karti hai, ghar chalati hai aur phir bhi iss prajati ko SUV k size ka respect mil jata hai. Ye na toh rob jatati hai, na khet joti hai aur na hi iss par shopping karvane ka dabav hota hai(masaln aurate pahad se behed kam avsar par niche market tak aati hai..:p), isliye iss prajati ko hum kehte hai mard. Ab jaise jaise aap altitude main niche aate jayenge iss prajati ki durdashan ka latitude bhi utni gehraion ko choota jayega. Aur jitna niche aap aayenge inke aaundhe k saath inke naam badalenge aur inke kapde kaam hote jayenge masalan lungi( long and short). Iss prajati ki pareshaniyon ko aksar nazarandaaz kar diya jata hai kyunki na toh ye foeticide death ka shikar hote hai, na ye bahut saare emotions se bhare hote hai, na yeh pregnant ho sakte hai, na toh inhe dahej dene ka dukh milta hai, toh over all inke pas koi bhi cheez controversial nai hoti. Par main ek vakya se inki pareshania samjhana chahunga, ek bar mera ek dost kuch dino k liye gayab ho gaya, toh jab woh mujhe mila toh maine majakiya taur par usse pucha abe kahan gayab tha yar kahin tera rape toh nai ho gaya, ye sunte hi mano maine uski dukhti nass par haath rakh diya ho, woh bechara chota sa muh kar k bola kash yar kash, woh toh sirf kuch lucky hote hai, I am toh ever ready saala koi karta hi nahi..:P(only for those who got appetite for humour).

Ye prajati pehle apni janskhya main jyada hone ka bhoj uthati hai, phir apne jyada tough hone par jyada saman uthati hai, gharwalon ki kicks bhi literal meaning main wholesale main khati hai, murga banane ka experience uthati hai, college main ragging karvati hai, zindagi bhar jo bed se 10 baje uthe woh biwi k saath din bhar ek napkin kahridne main lagati hai, aur in sabke bawjud bhi ladies first ka naara lagati hai aur phir kahin jakar purani petrol prices ki rarity ki tarah gentlemen kehlati hai. Cinema iska ek bada karan hai, itni pareshaniyon ke baad bhi Mr. Bachchan aa kar keh dete hai "mard ko dard nai hota" aur vahan par aakar saari logicality bhad main chali jaati hai aur hamari barbadi ki gaatha chapna shuru ho jati hai.

Samay aa gaya hai ki hum iss prajati ko thoda mehtav de, thoda population ratio balance kare, female foeticide ko na mare, inko 10 baje se pehle na uthaye, shopping k liye paise mang kar le jaye, chale aao ek behtar duniya banaye...:D

Bashindon ko pukar

Mushkil main darr se kar dosti,
Jo tu aankhon se ojhal ho jata hai,
Bhool sakta hai kaise, hai aisa koi jo jameen par sirf hathon se reng pata hai,
ae dil tu kyun sakpakata hai…

sooraj par karta hai tu chasme se prahar,
par andhere main dupak jaata hai,
rehta hai apno k beech,
par khauf k sapne sajata hai,
ae dil tu kyun sakpakata hai…

shabdo se kar bair,
khamoshi se dosti nibhata hai,
kadvahat ki jalti aag main,
tu kyun na thandi ki parat lata hai,
ae dil tu kyun sakpakata hai…

aaya tha akele,
akele hi tu jata hai,
phir inn nochte rishton ki ghutan par,
tu kyun aakhon ko bhigata hai,
ae dil tu kyun sakpakata hai…

aae haathon ki lakeeron main zindagi dhondhte bashindo,
na naseeb hue hatheliyan jisko,
woh bhi jeevan bitata hai,
ae mere dil…ae masoom dil tu kyun sakpakata hai…